The Hospital Riddle


Dear friends, welcome to a new riddle.

But before that, please take note of this: I found some old unsolved riddles in the archives, that were not marked as unsolved. You can see them on the unsolved riddles page. Oh and congrats to Brandon Tilley, who solved the shape shifting riddle.

And now, on to the new one. The setting for this riddle is a hospital, and we’re about to witness a miracle.

“Doctor, we have an emergency! The patient’s BP is dropping,” says the nurse in an anxious voice.
“Oh, just let me have my lunch, will you? He ain’t gonna die…” replies the doctor, minding his meal, and then adds in a low voice, as if to himself, “at least not yet, he he…”
“Doctor, have you heard a word I’m saying? His BP is a hundred over forty,” shouts the nurse.
“I heard you all right, now gimme a break will you, I said he ain’t dyin’…”
“Doctor, what’s wrong with you, his BP just dropped to sixty over twenty, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!” screams the nurse.

People’s heads come out of rooms, toilets and whatnot to see what’s going on. The doctor keeps eating his lunch as if nothing happens.
The nurse continues, screaming from the top of her lungs:

“HELP! Doctor, you have to do something… His BP just dropped to forty over twelve. HELP! Someone call 911! Someone get me an ambulance…” says she, forgetting that they are actually in a hospital.

Panic starts building up, people start gathering to see what’s going on. The doctor minds his meal. The nurse, her face red, keeps screaming louder and louder. People wearing hearing aids ate putting them off, as they can hear her just fine.

“DOCTOR! His BP is in the single digits! Nine over four! HEEELP! HEEEELP! Somebody!”
“Chill, hon, and come to your senses. You’re going to scare him to death. I said he’s all right, now hush,” says the doctor calmly, while continuing his meal. He’s almost done now.

The whole hospital is now flooding to the intensive care ward to see what’s all the shouting about. Rivers of doctors, nurses, patients and auxiliary staff alike, flow from all directions to the IC ward, as real rivers would flow to the sea. It gets so crowded that it’s impossible to move. They are a living wall of people. The nurse just continues screaming, louder and louder.

“DOCTOR! His BP is now two over one! You have to do something!”
“Yi heave ti di simthing…” repeats the doctor in a mocking voice. By now he finished his lunch. He gets up, jumps on top of the crowd, and walks stepping over people’s heads and shoulders, cruising across the hospital like there’s no tomorrow, heading to the patient’s bed. The nurse follows him, but she’s not as skillful walking on top of the crowd, she keeps tripping, falling flat and standing up again, going on all four, crawling, walking, and kicking people in the nose, mouth and whatnot, leaving a trail of casualties in her wake.

As they reach the patient’s bed, the machine he’s connected to indicates his BP is one over zero, and his hearts beat once per minute. The doctor looks at the patient calmly. The nurse is panicked, desperate, and has simply lost it. The crowd has followed them and now the entire hospital is in the room, yet somehow they manage to form a perimeter around the three protagonists. Within seconds, the machine that goes ping no longer goes ping, and it starts emitting the dreaded, long, infinite beep. They are all in awe, except the doctor who looks strangely calm.
Suddenly he booms, theatrically:

“Get up! Pick up thy cot and walk!”

The patient opens his eyes, as if awaken from the death itself, jumps straight, releasing himself from electrodes, catheters, painkillers, antibiotics, and God knows what else, grabs his bed, lifting it above his head, and starts walking around the room, almost hitting people and the hospital machinery with the iron bed.
The nurse faints. Several old ladies in the “front row” cross themselves saying Amen. A priest in the back, who had managed to get himself on top of the crowd by means he wouldn’t admit to, also crosses himself, whispering “what the hell…” The chief doctor of the hospital, who had also managed to secure a place on top of the crowd, by ordering some interns to lift him, somehow manages to keep his grip on the important, and shouts at the patient: “Careful with that bed, mate, that machine is worth two hundred thousand dollars!”

The calm doctor who apparently caused all this scene seems to be the only one to have taken the Hippocratic Oath. He heads for the fallen nurse that the crowd seems to have forgotten, and starts basic CPR.

Now, the riddle: what just happened here?

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8 comments ↓

#1 ethan on 12.19.11 at 7:17 am

the doctor was Jesus

#2 Gec on 12.19.11 at 9:54 am

Aye, I must admit, this is very good insight. But this is not actually the correct answer. The doctor was not Jesus. Congrats though, nice one.

Try again?

Cheers!

#3 u on 09.06.12 at 3:55 am

He was death.

#4 Gec on 09.19.12 at 7:33 pm

Hey u. He was not death either. Hint: think “schemes” :)

#5 Bilbo Bobkins on 10.09.12 at 6:43 am

The “doctor” and (or only) the “patient” are/is an actor(s). They schemed against the nurse and got the desired effect of fear and maybe a little bit extra.

#6 Bilbo Bobkins on 10.21.12 at 6:50 am

Even better, the monitor was hooked up to a cable television show where the BP does what it does in the riddle, and so it is simple for the man to get up.

#7 Gec on 11.28.12 at 12:03 am

Bilbo you are very close my friend so I’m going to award you the winning title for guessing this riddle.

The truth is: the doctor wanted to kiss the nurse, but he knew she doesn’t like him so she’d reject him.

The patient was just a patient.

The machine was broken so it showed the wrong parameters, it showed the patient was dying but he was fine. The doctor knew this.

The doctor gambled that the nurse would faint if he’d play Jesus on the patient, and he knew that if his gamble succeeds (which it did), everyone would be too scared or awed to give her first aid, so he’d have to do it. He gave her mouth to mouth CPR, therefore kissing her.

Cheers!

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